I Want to Go Home..

I want to go Home.

But Home is one of those undefined, 

  unknowable, 

    un-understandable

entities that I can't quite wrap my head around.

Home is a mess of unresolved altercations that I should have let go of years ago.

But that I still hold close to my chest

And shield my heart with them..

To keep anyone and everyone out.

Home is a wandering target.

Elusively changing location and slipping from

State

         To State.

Country

            To Country.

Home is full of strangers that I let fill my place when I refuse to take responsibility for my own emotional shortcomings.

I keep her at Plane's Distance.

Home is a current GPS coordinate.
And I've kept myself at 37 N/122 W for a long eight years.

Home is a swirl of feeling like I belong and feeling like I can lose myself in the crowd.

The friendly balance of being seen and unseen simultaneously.

I Want to go Home

But I also want to just 

Be

Here.

So here I'll stay.

Until Home makes sense again.

If I ever let it.