Fears.

(Day 7 of the challenge: What are you afraid of?)

Being surrounded and being alone.

It seems that I am terrified of polar opposites.  But maybe it makes sense.  Maybe it all stems from the same place.

I am afraid of being the center of the attention.  All eyes on me.  Of having everyone looking at me.  Waiting for me to say something.  Looking to me to explain.  It's like that dream where you're giving a huge speech, but all of a sudden you don't remember anything you were going to say.  And you're naked.  And everyone is laughing at you.

I am also afraid of solitude.  Of being rejected.  Of being cast off.  How would I handle if my husband left me?  If my friends shunned me?  If I was left alone to ponder why everyone decided to cut me out?  .. Probably not well.

Don't get me wrong.  There are things I do love about both of these opposites.  I thrive at standing in front of a group of tourists and telling them about my neighborhood.  I cherish the few mornings a week I have to myself in which I get to unwind, write, watch Chopped and pet the kitten.

I think a it's a lot about the feeling of inadequacy.  

But life gives you fears so you can conquer them.  
And all you can do is take it one day at a time.

Exploring.

(Day 6: Without answering with your job, how would you answer the question, "What do you do?")

What do I do? ..  
Hmm.. What do I do..?

I'd like to say .. I explore.

I try to do this as often as possible.. Though, maybe, some weeks are less exploratory than others.

While I haven't been out of the country in quite some time.. and, to be honest, only out of California a few times in the last a year .. my goal lately has been to explore our City as much as possible in the free time that I have. 

With the weather turning, Josh and I have taken to the heights of SF. There are so many untouched hills around us that have been preserved as parks which we can hike to the top of and soak in the Bay area. 

Take such examples:

Haight to Heights -- 5.5 miles, two peaks: Buena Vista (575 ft) and Corona Heights (520 ft)
A pretty walk with a nice stop in Hayes Valley for brunch and then two peaks I had never previously known of before. Lovely views of the city.

Almost to Twin Peaks -- 3.8 miles, two peaks: Tank Hill (650 ft) and Kite Hill (unknown height)
Feel like you might want to almost hike Twin Peaks but want to avoid tourists and cars and whatnot?  Great vista points and no bumping elbows!

Trusty Bernal -- 3.8 miles, 1.5 peaks: Holly Park (274 ft) and Bernal Heights (433 ft)
This is the standard everyday hill hike. The most bang for your buck: close and pretty steep. Plus, the most amazing views of everywhere in the city. Adding in Holly Hill adds distance and a new vantage. Worth it.

So.. I strive to explore not only my own city as the year slips by.. but hopefully more of the country and eventually (please sooner rather than later) more outside our borders.

Inspiration.

(Day 5: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends.)

I don't really have a lot of blogger friends.  But one I have loved and admired for years has been Truen at: hello from wow

This amazing woman is an artist, a writer, a comedian and an all around beautiful soul.  

Though we haven't been in touch much lately, there was a time in my life when I was traveling blindly, searching for home and searching for myself, when she was a huge inspiration for me.  She sent me tidbits from her life and home that made me realize I wasn't alone in this journey and I am ever thankful for that.

Today I still love to catch up on her life.. in pictures, prose, and ramblings.

Something Wicked.

(Day 4 of the challenge: A Favorite Quote)

I don't really have a favorite quote I love or live by. I often get stuck on favorite lines of song. .. But lately, I haven't been much inspired.

I have been reading this Ray Bradbury book recently, however, and have been surprised at how many little lines of prose that have struck me pleasing.  I am only about 100 or so pages in and have already highlighted the following passages:

"Some folks draw lightning, suck it like cats suck babies' breath."

A lightening rod salesman says this to the two main characters.  I found it a creepy analogy.

"The wind flew Jim away. A similar kite, Will swooped to follow."

 Love the imagery of this.

"Jim stood tall and now lay long in bed, strung together by marsh-grass, his bones easy in his flesh, his flesh easy on his bones."

Again, an eloquent way to describe melting into your bed at night.

"Sometimes you see a kite so high, so wise it almost knows the wind."

A of lot of kite/lightning/storm themes so far in the book.  Love the anthropomorphism of the kite. 

"Monsieur Guillotine cleared his throat.  And the blade, above, in the canvas sky, like a homing hawk scythed down.  Whisper-whisk-slither-thunder-rush-wham!"

Describing lightning/thunder as a guillotine.

"That deep eye showed swift as a bullet hole.  Hungry for Will, it found and ate of his image."

Another harrowing image, describing a man's leer at the main character.


I am looking forward to the rest of this book. A lot different from the well-know Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. .. So far, a good read. Something Wicked This Way Comes. 

Little Comforts.

(Day 3: Things that Make You Comfortable)

Food, blankets, kittens.

I love to eat. True story, no joke. And it's comfort food I crave -- carbs on carbs on carbs. I believe yesterday I had rice with all my meals. You can't catch me on a day when I'm not eating pasta of some sort. Food makes me happy. Happy and full. Catch me when my lunch break is running late. Or when I'm lost and it's early afternoon and I can't find a bite to eat for the life of me. You don't want to mess with a Hangry Lily. Trust me. 

I also love to be warm. Oh, there's a slight breeze? Throw me that cardigan. Did the sun go down? Wrap me in a fuzzy blanket. Nothing pleases me more than a balmy evening, sitting outside with the sand in my toes.

Lastly.. Kittens. How can you not love a good cuddly ball of fluff? It's mornings like this one when I meant to get up a good half hour earlier but couldn't. Little Goober-cat all curled up in the crook of my knees and purring. Soft. Sleepy.

Such are the little comforts in my life.

Everything In Its Right Place.

(Day 2 of the blogging challenge)

Hmm.. Something I know a lot about or something I am good at.

This is a toughie.

I don't have a whole plethora of knowledge about one particular thing. .. . But that mural over there?  Oh, it was painted in the 1980's by a group commemorating the annual Carnivale celebration that San Francisco celebrates in May.  Why May instead of February or March as tradition dictates?  Because the City wanted to take advantage of the wonderful Spring weather.  Wouldn't want those scantily clad women freezing on those floats!  

The torn down theater?  It used to be one of the many single house theaters lining Mission Street.  Currently, it is to be remodeled and reborn as a new 5-screen cinema with hipster flair -- serving eclectic foods and alcohol akin to the new MBC and the forth-coming mini-golf course.  Next door, they are putting up more condos, though these promise to be affordable housing for those displaced by raised rent and higher cost of living.  The old theater across the street?  It will be resurrected as two things: a restaurant and gym -- hopefully somehow mixed together!

. ..  

So scratch that.  I guess there's no fountain of knowledge here.. 

But what am I good at?  .. .. . Also.. Long pause.

This may be a stretch and it also may be a slight form of OCD, but I'm organized as hell.  I am awesome at making sure everything is done, everything is clean and everything is in its right damn place.

So I make damn good coffee!  My station is clean, my stock is full.  I'm constantly aware of what my co-worker's need and what the store is wanting.  Your made-just-for-you cup of coffee?  I brewed that with just the right amount of beans, just the perfect amount of water, stirred and waited the exact amount of time.  Cream and sugar need adjusting?  No worries!  Hand that back and I'll make it just right!

So I give damn good tours!  My vendors are ready for us.  My route is set. My local lore is up to date.  I make sure the food we sample is something my taste buds crave on a regular basis.  I make sure I know what new murals are up and what's interesting about them.  I keep track of my monthly billing.  I keep track of my out of pocket expenses.  I keep track of how many people I show around -- what day it was, what they liked, what they didn't.  I learn from my experiences and I only get better.

My room is clean (read: presentable) and my home clutterless. Spreadsheets? I got that! Lists? Checked off and completed!

As for my life path. ... That still is unknown journey.  

Throw me a curveball; I got this.

250 Words of Me.

Here upon is the first entry in a void of blog-less days.  Here is the first of my May blog Challenge.  Here is: Describe yourself in 250 words.


Vagrant. Vagabond. Searching. Wandering.

I was born in the Philippines, adopted at 4 days old and whisked away to the States as a mere babe of 2.  I spent my childhood jumping home to home -- Wisconsin, New Delhi, New Jersey, Ohio, then suburbs of Chicago.  High school was fairly stable; 4 years at the same school -- made friends, explored the city, got really into music and the local scene, frequented used CD shops, basement shows and the Metro.  College took me to Wisconsin where I spent 3 years getting to know and breaking the heart of my first love.  A move to Madison turned me into a worker bee at a big time software company.  Two years later, my wanderlust itched and I sold my belongs to travel the US looking for a new home; cross-country in two months (more new friends, more new experiences), 3 months in SF, 3 months in Maui.  Then, in a whirl, it was back to Wisco for the love my life.. but when winter struck, he followed suit and left behind work/home to journey to SE Asia for a season.  Travel tired, we settled in San Francisco and here we have made our new life.  Here is where our home is: our kitten, our house, new/old friends, sun, city and adventure.  

Yet I am still wondering.. Where next?


Thanks to Natalie for the inspiration: Looking Through the Lens