In the Defense of the Dark Arts

It's charming, in fact, that a class made to Protect Against

has brought so many together.

12 Excuses For Why Food Is My Significant Other

1. When I'm angry, it fills my belly and soul.

2. I'm a sucker for the smell.

3. That first bite of fresh pasta twirled around the tines of my fork.

4. It cannot hurt me.

5. It will not let me down.

6. I'm a sucker for the meld of savory and sweet.

7. While it can be a mess in bed, I get to kick it out afterward with no hard feelings.

8. Pasta makes me happy.

9. I'm a sucker for cheese.

10. I look forward to the foreplay.

11. It is always better with wine.

12. I like to replace feelings with calories.

What Haunts You

It hides in the corners of my every day.

It sneaks in under the radar.

It lives in the subtlety of the underlining plainness.

I don't notice it because I don't have to.

I grew up with this Filipino nose

And these almond shaped eyes.

This sun-kissed skin and short slight frame.

And the privilege of Privilege.

My heart doesn't carry with it the strength of my ancestors

The history of my bloodline.

I am a blank slate with the fortune of being embraced

Into a home with love and laughter

And the advantages of my parents.

I didn't want for food.

I didn't want for shelter.

I didn't want for an education.

I never feared for my safety.

I never questioned authority.

I never worried about making it another day.

[Insert here the hardships]

[The struggle]

[The fight]

[I never had to stand up for]

My parents worked hard.
I've worked hard.

Our hardships were significant.

But different.

And yet --

Are still afforded the luxuries of pale skin

And light features.

It haunts me

And yet it has protected me.

The White Privilege of a Brown Girl 

Let's Make a Movie

Let's make a movie called 'Alternate Realities'

Where everything's a little like 'Sliding Doors' but we don't all have to be

Gwenyth Paltrow.

And hopefully it doesn't turn out

As another vehicle for a love story.

We can all slip In and Out of our various Selves as we

Wander from Timeline to Timeline

Discovering which Parallel Universe pans out the best.

Tracing it Back to that
One

Precise

Instant

That a mundane happenstance alters our lives forever.

We can switch swatch through other people's Realities trying to get it

Right.

Making sure the Relationships and Camaraderies

That seem meaningful and consequential

Continue to Intertwine with our own.

Censoring Tragedies and Missteps until

We're satisfied with our Ultimate Design.

Time will push back, of course,

And each Existence and Actuality

Will fight with our self-appointed 

Utopia of a Universe.

Until right as we settle on the final touch,

We swirl.

Us, Our Chosen Companions,

  Our Accomplishments,

    Our Failures,

       Our Perfect Little Lives,

Twirl with the rest of the Alternate Realities.
And leave us tired, wet, and broken.

Shattered memories and 

Splintered recollections.

A mess.

On the floor.

Roll Credits.

Curtains Down.

House Lights Up.

Dear Insecurity

Dear Me,

I know you won't heed my advice.
I know you want to learn you own lessons.

Make your own mistakes.

Live your own life.

And, by all means, you are welcome to.

But believe me, I've been there.

I've done that.

And I'm sure I'll do it again.

[one]

Heartache is temporary.
But real. 

Oh, so real. 

Feel it to its fullest.

Don't let anyone talk you out of being hurt. Being lost. Being devastated.

But know that it will fade in time.

Sometimes you will wish it faded faster.

Cleaner.

But a part of you will always miss the things you left behind.

The things you forgot to help yourself heal.

And part of you will always hurt because of it.

Each heartache is different.

A snowflake of intricate, sharp and biting pangs.

It will melt in time.

Spring will always follow Winter.

[two]

You are smart and strong and beautiful.

You do not feel this.

You will never feel this.

But wake up some days in the mirror and tell yourself these things.

Maybe some days you will believe it.

Maybe some day you'll be me with more confidence.

More love for yourself.

Try it.

For us.

[three]

Care about something.

It's easy not to..

And I'm honestly not sure how to advise you to do this.

I guess I'm just selfishly hoping you figure this out.

[four]

You Do You.

There's a lot of things I would stop myself from doing as a younger me.

There's a lot of things I would encourage myself to do more.

But the past is all part of me. Of you. Of us.

Hurt yourself.

Hide yourself.

Love the wrong ones.

Take the risky chances.

Learn you own lessons.

Make your own mistakes.

Live your own life.

I'll see you soon.

What Do You Need To Say?

Hello.

I'm fine.

You're sometimes on my mind.

I'm tired.

I'm worried.

I'm trying to get by.

I hate him.

I love her.

I want to say I'm sorry.

You're great.

You're strong.

You'll make it through this fine.

We're here.

We're always here.

We'll try our best to make this work.

Good bye.

Good night.

I'll see you in the morning light.

Awake.

I got sent home early today after only two hours on the clock. 

As I walked back at 7:45AM, my backwards commute was much brighter.  But the streets were still mostly empty and businesses still closed.  

For some reason, I was surprised that the Mission was still asleep.

Were you?

Morning Musings.

I have a friend that works the night shift.

This morning when I was brushing my teeth at 5AM I had this thought, 

"You are still awake from the night before; I am already awake to start today."